True telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...


Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?

Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...

Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still

on my desk... sorry .


Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left ?


Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill Gates damn it !


Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?

Customer: No.


Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.


Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

Customer: It's not working.

Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?

Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's



Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?

Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard ?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does
work !


Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital

letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


A customer couldn't get on the internet.

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?

Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?

Customer: Five stars.


Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my

computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !


Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?

Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can
help me ?

Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?

Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?


Helpdesk: How may I help you ?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?

Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around.


A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as: "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."


A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here." The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."

A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue,she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train,
gave birth to an old lady."


A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".

A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi. When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.
It was written: 'Sethji aaj mar gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye).


Santa Singh gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Santa:" I've been promoted as branch manager


Santa Singh professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U know Why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking... .


Santa: I haven't slept all night in the train.
Friend: Why?
Santa: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why did'nt u Xchanged?
Santa: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchange on the lower berths


Santa:- why are all these people running?
Man:- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Santa:- If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?


Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin. Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater. Again twins & named Max & Climax. Again next year same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!!!!


Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet.
Santa:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....


Santa & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked:
How'll U divide, U've 3 children?
Santa replied:
Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR .


Santa wish : when i die, i wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving...


Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer:
I beg your pardon sir, thats you in a mirror!


A man asked to Santa Singh: why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Santa replied: "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

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