Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.

You were going eighty!, the officer yelled.

Why on earth were you driving so fast?

We have a good reason, Lloyd explained to the cop.

Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!.

This story is about a rather strange reply for a campground reservation. It is said to be true, but you be the judge.

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicated, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular camground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to writ the word 'TOILET' in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term 'BATHROOM COMMODE.' But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B. C. 'Does the campground have it's own B. C. ?' is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was taking about. That B. C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply :

'Dear Madam: I regret very much for the delay in answering your letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regulary, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and makes a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late.'

'The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowed that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C.'

'I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regulary but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.'

'If you do decided to come down to out campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.'

'Remember, this is a friendly community.'

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class.She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.

She started with "This was England's finest hour."

Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."

"Congratulations !" Said the teacher, "You may go home."

The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you." Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy".

"Very good," says the teacher, " you may go."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities,

Little Johnny said, " I wish those girls would just shut up."

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it.

Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said,

"Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday."

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the Highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer.
"Why not ?"
"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"Okay ! we will get a urine sample down at the station."
Can't do that either, officer. Why not ?
Because I'm a diabetic. I could get a low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample. "Can't do that either, officer. Why not ?
Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die. Fine then, just walk this white line.
Can't do that either, officer. Why not ?
"Because, I'm drunk !!"

3 guys died and when they got to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big ! 'The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy,
How long were you married ? He replies, 24 years.
Did you ever cheat on your wife ?, Peter asked. The Guy replied, 'Yeah , 7 times........ but you said I was forgiven. Peter said, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's you a Pinto to drive.

The second Guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter. The second guy said, 'I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out good'. Peter said, I'm pleased to hear that, here's you a Lincoln.

The third Guy walked up and said, Peter , I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman ! I treated my wife like a queen ! "Peter said, That's what I like to hear. Here's you a Jaguar ! "A little while later, the 2 Guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto seen the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked the guy with the jaguar what was wrong, he said, 'I just seen my wife, she was on a skateboard !"